Adele Dazeem

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Last night, my mom and I went to see Wicked at the DPAC (amazing, obviously) and it left me with some thoughts. Mostly thoughts about how I missed my life’s calling by not being able to sing… but also some other ones.

As it turns out, I am not the most basic person in the world. I know this because I sat next to her last night.

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Here’s some context for ya:

Gender: female

Age: 40ish

Voice volume: incredibly loud

Interests: taking selfies with her 5-year-old daughter, texting her husband, ruining Broadway shows for other people

Now that you’ve got a good picture of her in your mind, I shall list World’s Most Basic Person’s crimes:

1) She sang THE WHOLE TIME. All of the words. To all of the songs. And trust me, I get the Wicked obsession. (In middle school, I had the t-shirt, the CD, the special behind-the-scenes book, AND the poster. I know every word to every song. I’ve watched the entire show on YouTube multiple times. I would rather meet Idina Menzel than Oprah.) But no amount of obsession could ever pardon a grown woman for singing during a Broadway play.

2) She and her daughter had conversations in full volume about things unrelated to Wicked every time there was a break in the singing. (The daughter was like 5 years old, so that’s to be expected. But the mother???)

3) The daughter kept standing up and dancing… (Not the mom’s fault, but she could’ve told her to stop. It might’ve been kind of cute if I hadn’t been so filled with rage)

4) The mom texted every 10 minutes during the show. Like what are you even texting about?

“Hey sweetie – Wicked’s great! I keep singing along and everyone around me loves it! LOL! Love u!”

5) The mom clearly had a problem with her peripheral vision because there is no other way that she could have missed my death glares. I mean, I was sending her some pretty serious eye daggers.

And the most offensive crime of all:

6) The mom was WAY more excited about the fact that Ashley Parker Angel was playing Fiyero than literally anything else. I’m not kidding – she took a selfie with the Wicked program and Instagrammed it with the caption “Just me, my daughter, and Ashley Parker Angel!!!”

And finally, if you have some downtime, PLEASE check out Ashley Parker Angel on social media. It’ll make you so happy and so sad all at once.

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Next up on unbasic: I take a stab at the movies on the list my brother sent me. Since he’s pretty much the least basic person I know, this should be interesting.

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