MASSAGES. MIMOSAS. FINE LEATHER GOODS.

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Someone told me a few days ago that comedians are the best account planners. They’re insightful, witty, and completely in tune with the world around them. (Don’t know what an account planner is? You’re not alone! I’ve been trying to explain planning to my parents for 2 years. Here’s the link to the Wikipedia page that provides a not-completely-terrible description of the job.)

Since I aspire to be both an account planner AND a funny human, I figure watching a stand-up comedy routine on Netflix is a step in the right direction. A “useful” activity that I can do from the comfort of my own couch? Huzzah!

Since I’m one of those weirdos who actually listens to Netflix’s suggestions, I took a look at the stand-up comedies they recommended for me. Netflix told me to watch Aziz Ansari: Buried Alive, so that’s what I did.

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Some background: I love Aziz Ansari. But like any basic girl, I only really know him as Tom Haverford from Parks & Recreation.  As it turns out, he’s wonderful and also SUPER inappropriate in real life.

I think we could all benefit from listening to a tiny man rant about bullying, marriage proposals, finding your soulmate at Bed, Bath & Beyond, having kids, and Grindr for an hour every once in a while. Since I know you’re probably too busy watching Friday Night Lights for the 5th time to actually go watch the show, I’ve put together some of my favorite Aziz quotes for you.

On people who get married too soon: “I’ve had sweaters for two years and been like, ‘What the #$%@ was I doing with this sweater? It’s so stupid looking. I can’t believe I thought about living with this sweater for the rest of my life.’”

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On receiving videos of other people’s babies taking their first steps: “Look, I walk all the time. I’m not impressed.”

On his life plan at age 16: “I was gonna go to college, major in business AND biology. That was the plan: first I hit you with the business – you think it’s all done – and then I hit you with the biology. What was I gonna do with this stupid double major? Sell organs on the black market?”

On getting married: “I’ve been eating at the same taco stand for a few years now. I’m not gonna commit to that taco stand for the rest of my life… now if the taco stand wanted to move in with me, I might be okay with that. Cuz then I’d have delicious tacos every day of my life.”

On Chik-fil-a: “I’m obviously very pro gay marriage but I’m also very pro delicious chicken sandwich.”

How does watching a standup comedy act make me less basic, you ask? Anything that exposes me to the world around me and forces me to really think about something is a worthwhile endeavor in my opinion… even if that thinking is accompanied by a whole lot of laughing.

Thanks for reading!

PSA: If you don’t know what the title of this post means, STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND GO WATCH PARKS AND REC.

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