This week’s Branding of Me class was a little different. Less inspirational videos, more introspection. Today, Gary asked us to write about one simple question:
If you had one month to live, what would you do?
Dangit, Gary. I try to keep my blog light and fluffy, and here you go making me think about deep stuff. I don’t like emotions! I certainly don’t want to post them for the world to see! But, alas, I’m a sappy senior. One month to live? How about one month left of college?
You know that movie About Time? It’s one of my favorite movies because, well, not much happens. I know what you’re thinking: that’s an odd reason to love a movie. But there’s this one scene that really gets me. The main character talks to his father about the best way to use their gift of time travel, and he tells him to start each day over from the beginning and truly appreciate every moment. Suddenly even the worst days seem wonderful. He’s able to see that the best things in life really are the little things. The chaos, the losses, the fights – that’s all part of the incredible experience we get to have in this life.
If I had one month to live, I’d live as normally as possible… but I would try to live more deeply than I’ve ever lived before. I would want to do the things I do every day, but this time I would really appreciate them. I’d thank God for all of the things I have in my life and I would go out of my way to tell people how I feel about them. I tell my parents I love them all the time, but I sure don’t say it to my friends.
I don’t think I’d want to get a tattoo or go cliff jumping or visit Fiji. I think that this life is amazing and I want to soak in every last bit before it’s my turn to leave.
Maybe that’s weird, but I feel the same way about these last few weeks of college. I feel so panicked that I have no time left, but I don’t want to spend my days doing crazy things. All I want to do is sit on the couch in my house with my best friends in the world. I’m not going to remember the nights out on the town (and no, that’s not some tongue-in-cheek reference to being wasted… if I ever say “here’s to the nights we won’t remember,” you’ll know that mind-controlling parasites are real).
Here’s what I’m going to remember about the past four years:
Saturday morning debriefs on our ratty old couch. Sitting at Dillo for 5 hours, just because. Getting out of class and catching up on the 45 GroupMe messages about spray tans and Nicholas Cage. Going to baseball games and not once glancing at the scoreboard. Hour-long power walks with my mom and dinner dates to Tokyo with my dad. Beach trips with my family where we do nothing but sit and chat.
Those are the kinds of things I would want to do if I only had one month to live. Screw skydiving, I don’t like heights anyway. And my pain tolerance does not bode well for tattoo-getting.
If I had one month to live, I’d want to spend it living.