The end of college has me feeling some type of way.
The type of way that I’m feeling is 40% sadness, 50% weirdness, and 10% denial.
I don’t do well with sentimental things. I don’t cry in public or talk about my feelings or post Instagrams of the Old Well with sappy captions. I’m not that girl. I respect that girl, but I also make fun of that girl in my head.
This whole “sad to leave” thing also just isn’t me. I’ve been saying all along that I thought 4 years was probably the perfect amount of time for college and that I’d be ready to leave by the end of it. A few months ago, I would have told you that I was excited for graduation. Now, I’m downright terrified.
But I have no reason to be terrified, right?! I’m moving to New York, for Pete’s sake. I’ve been talking about New York since I was 8! (Granted, 8-year-old me thought that I would move to New York to pursue my Broadway career…) What’s more, I’m working at an agency where I actually know and really like the people I’m going to be working with! I don’t even have to do the awkward thing where I decide if I want to be called Rebecca or Becca… because they already know me!
For me, the Great Unknown is actually the Great Pretty Darn Familiar. Who am I to be nervous about graduation? To be sad?
To look at the Old Well and think, gah I’m gonna miss this place?
To Google how long it will take me to ride the train from New York to my various friends’ cities?
To take the long way home from the SRC so I can walk through the Arboretum one last time?
Who am I to write yet another sappy blog post about graduating???
I wish I had answers to my questions, but alas. I decided to go to the Senior Class Last Lecture because, as it turns out, I have trouble saying no to Carolina activities now that my time as a Tar Heel is coming to an end.
After going to the Class of 2015 Last Lecture last night, though, it seems like I’m not alone in my uncertainty. Matt Andrews, who is the only person who could make baseball interesting to me, gave the speech and talked a lot about his own uncertainty and unorthodox life path.
And he perfectly summed up why we’re so scared about the Real World: all of our lives, we’ve had a plan laid out for us. When my parents first discovered they were about to have a third child (a third angel, if you will), I’m willing to bet you $20 that visions of Tar Heels danced in their heads. At the very least, they knew that the little peanut that was to someday become me was going to college. So basically, I’ve had a life plan since before I was born. And then all of a sudden on May 10, all of that goes out the window.
South Greenville –> Eppes –> Rose –> Carolina –> ……?????
The moral of Matt’s story was a little more encouraging. He didn’t have the answers when he was 22… and he still doesn’t. But, as he kept saying, “you’re all going to be okay.”
I’ll end this blog post the same way Matt, sport historian and ultimate teacher-crush, ended the lecture: