The Bachelor had me like…

Last night while actual important things like caucuses and Carolina basketball games were happening, thousands of Americans chose to tune in to the most worthy thing of all: The Bachelor. I always have a lot of thoughts about the events of the show, but I usually just voice them to my roommates and laugh at my own jokes. This time, I decided to stay quiet and type out my feelings… so yeah, this blog is getting pretty serious.

About as serious as Ben is about all 10 of his girlfriends.

  • Who I want to win: JoJo and Twin Emily
  • Who I actually think will win: Lauren B
  • Who I want to be the next Bachelorette: JoJo
  • Who I actually think will be the next Bachelorette: Mother Amanda

And here’s everything I thought during the episode:

  1. WHOSE WEAVE WAS THAT?
  2. “I love you, guy I just met three weeks ago who has 15 other girlfriends” – Everyone but JoJo
  3. I like Lauren H because she wears her retainer even while on reality TV. V responsible
  4. “Oh my god I was just dreaming about Ben!” That’s not creepy at all!
  5. Oh really Amanda that’s how you woke up? You’re like sooo naturally pretty. 39
  6. Amanda is adorable but omg she talks like a baby
  7. When I listen to these people try to speak Spanish it kind of makes me understand why other countries hate us (“oh-la Ben”)
  8. I tried to count the number of times Amanda said “like” but I can’t count past a million
  9. Ben’s always like “you’re so in-er-ess-ting”
  10. Wait so who’s keeping Amanda’s kids rn?
  11. Tbt to Olivia jumping out of the cake
  12. Becca’s topknot…….                                      tumblr_ljk84atrXE1qh7y3w
  13. Twin Emily is still my favorite
  14. And also she is Taylor Swift minus cats plus eyeliner
  15. I don’t think Jubilee understands the premise of the show… Ben is supposed to have 10 girlfriends
  16. Olivia would speak Spanish
  17. “There was electricitay between Ben and I” – guess who
  18. He’s making them go to school AGAIN? This date is the opposite of fun
  19. Ben keeps making them learn and play sports and those things are clearly not their strong suits
  20. Aria/Isla Fisher/JoJo looks like she’s going to vomit every time Olivia talks jojo
  21. This Bachelor-themed McDonald’s commercial is the best thing that’s ever happened to me
  22. Leah is getting some major screen time today… Is she going to become a thing?
  23. Becca’s face doesn’t move when she talks (“Either she has Botox or all the muscles in her face died of natural causes” – Maddie)
  24. “She literally makes me want to throw up. And her breath is horrible.” -Twin Emily loves Olivia
  25. “I’m no longer the Bachelor. I’m the Spatuler” -Ben
  26. JUBILEE IF YOU WANTED A ONE-ON-ONE RELATIONSHIP YOU SHOULD’VE TRIED NORMAL DATING LIKE THE KIND THAT HAPPENS OFF CAMERA                                      tumblr_mtyasy1BrG1qj3996o3_250.gif
  27. “If you know how to cook, you’re ready to get married” …. oh god, I guess I’m going to die alone with Easy Mac in hand
  28. “People here love crickets” OH IS THAT RIGHT, OLIVIA??
  29. Everyone should just go home because Ben’s in love with Lauren B
  30. Jubilee: “I don’t want you to feel like I’m holding back because I’m not” oh except for literally 5 minutes ago when you tried to hold my hand and I held it back
  31. This Jubilee-Ben relationship is a constant cycle of whining and reassuring
  32. I haven’t mentioned this yet but Ben is bae post-27422-Niall-I-love-you-1d-gif-youll-8lON
  33. I mean honestly it was about time for Jubilee to go home. The fact that she’s cried every single episode is reason enough…
  34. Okay now I feel kind of bad for her. I think she would have a lot of luck with Bumble
  35. Ben cries a lot for a guy with 10 girlfriends
  36. Do you think Ben is going to push off of Olivia’s leg when he stands up???? #lovelanguage
  37. Ben: “I’m done breaking up with people after this” … wait I just have to go break up with 8 other people and THEN I’m done, I swear
  38. “The Group Date rose goes to Lauren B because we just made out for a long time” – Ben probably
  39. LOL JK IMA GIVE IT TO OLIVIA
  40. “We should totally just STAB CAESAR” -Twin Emily  tumblr_m3zsv0Ch2I1qe601o
  41. Ben is basically a model so this fashion show thing won’t be hard for him
  42. I love that Lauren H has an actual real, important job… but is it summer break for her? Is she taking a sabbatical? What elementary school is cool with teachers taking several months off to go find love in Mexico?
  43. And if she doesn’t win, does she just go right back to her kindergarten class? Because there’s no way those moms aren’t watching her on this show rn and I just don’t think she’s Bachelorette material
  44. This fashion show must not be very important because Gigi isn’t there
  45. Ben is like so cute and so nice and so tall and I love him
  46. Lauren H’s accent is v distracting
  47. Like I think Ben is sincerely impressed with and interested in all of the women and it’s very refreshing to watch
  48. Well look who’s back in the game, Lauren H! I think it’s safe to say that everyone thought you were going home today                                             anigif_enhanced-buzz-17237-1380004498-22
  49. Ummmmmm is Ben allowed to take Olivia’s rose away??
  50. Has Leah ever talked to Ben? Who is Leah?
  51. Jennifer is almost definitely going home but she seems to have a lot of friends (“Wait… we’re not here to make friends?”)
  52. “I like see a life with you. Like… a life life.” It’s a good thing Lauren B and Ben don’t really have a talking-based relationship
  53. Omg Olivia, Teen Mom?!? Seriously???
  54. “You know that show?” YES OLIVIA THEY KNOW THE SHOW THAT ISN’T WHY THEY’RE STARING AT YOU
  55. “Like you remind me of Snookie” -Amanda to Olivia
  56. Oh no… Twin Emily clearly doesn’t understand that the girl who talks about other girls always ends up going home even if said other girl is a sociopath                                            no
  57. Twin Emily please stop crying
  58. “Your opinion matters to me” -Sweet Ben
  59. BEN FOR PRESIDENT!
  60. Actually, that’s not a bad idea. He’s better than all of the other presidential candidates…
  61. And just as qualified as some of them……
  62. And hotter than all of them………….
  63. Like is Olivia about to murder Ben? Kidnap him and keep him in her dungeon?
  64. “With this pinky ring I promise I’ll always love you, in sickness and in health, even though I have cankles” -Olivia                                                                                 crazy.gif
  65. “TWIN HALEY HEY IT’S ME EMILY I’M SO SORRY YOU GOT KICKED OFF AND I JUST RUINED EVERYTHING BY TELLING ON OLIVIA”
  66. “AND ALSO I STARTED DRINKING AT 8 AM SO WORDS ARE HARD RIGHT NOW HALEY”
  67. Ben is literally the nicest
  68. These women are very smart. If one girl talks bad about someone, she’s written off as catty. But if EVERYONE does it, Olivia’s going home!!
  69. Wait………. is Olivia not going home?!?!?
  70. Sweet Ben. Sweet trusting, sincere, not even a little bit unlovable Ben.
  71. WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENS NEXT WEEK THAT MAKES EVERY SINGLE PERSON CRY AND FORCES BEN TO GAZE INTO THE DISTANCE ON A CLIFF???
  72. YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS, CHRIS HARRISON??

anigif_original-26459-1453943320-10

Ugh. Whatever. See you next week.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s